In recent months, something shifted. Not in the world around me, but in me.
For years, I was focused on proving myself, building bigger, building better, building more. My worth was measured in output, in achievements, in things I could point to and say, "I made that." The "self" in me didn't really exist beyond what I produced. I wasn't making art or expressing feelings. I was constructing an identity out of deliverables, milestones, external validation.
My being was defined entirely by what I made.
I was trying to prove myself to the world, and in doing so, I lost myself in the process. The person behind the projects became invisible, even to me. Every creation was a statement of capability, not of humanity. I was a builder without a soul, or at least one I'd buried so deep beneath the work that I couldn't find it anymore.
But something has changed.
Now, I need something different. Something deeper. I need to express, not just produce. I need to connect with the messy, complicated, vulnerable parts of myself that don't fit neatly into a portfolio or a pitch deck. I need to show the world not just what I can do, but who I am, the fears, the questions, the contradictions, the longings.
This isn't about abandoning ambition or creation. It's about rediscovering the person doing the creating. It's about making space for work that doesn't justify itself through metrics or applause, but through honesty. Work that says, "This is what it feels like to be me."
I don't know where this leads. Maybe nowhere productive by my old standards. But for the first time in a long time, I'm not building to prove anything. I'm creating to understand myself, and to be understood.
And that feels like the most important thing I've built in years.
